tartila. last night, I became hungry and decided to make some ramen. I asked her how or why and she said that if children sit on cold ground their ovaries will freeze and that we won’t be able to have kids. He was always in trouble and it seemed like every time his dad had to call him it went like this…. Now people call him lotion boy. These are really good ones. and says, "Mother, if this could give milk, we could get rid of the IF you like these stories here are some more collection of funny stories with morals for adults. Read What s New, Doc? After church they were like “do you wanna learn how to ride them?” And I was like??? I finished as through and quick as I possibly could and booked it the hell out of the room. It was just PRINGLES.” Being a little angel. I turn to the girl next to me, and I had no idea who she was and had never talked to her before. So after I read my part, I took out my second copy of Artemis and picked up right where I left off. 56. Christina Scalise (Goodreads Author) 4.33 avg rating — 18 ratings. 5.0 out of 5 stars A funny collection to read any time. So, naturally, I also put my finger on my nose. turns out she was the lady that had to do the actual road test with me. Funny. wrong. The principal and I were quite aquatinted at this point and so I told her why I was sent back to her office again, and she laughed. There was a man, who lived in the mountain village, and he was known because he has never argued with anyone. 32 Fast Food Workers Reveal The Weirdest, Most Bizarre Stories They’ve Experienced While Working Drive-Thru, 20 Terrifying True Stories About What Happens When You Mess With A Ouija Board, My Gig As A Pizza Delivery Guy Was Strange Enough, But This Order To 6834 Miller Ave. Will Haunt Me Forever, 23 Men And Women Share Their Most Inspirational Love Story (That Really Happened), 25+ Inspirational Stories That Will Make You Smile, 20+ Terrifying And True Ouija Board Stories. I hold up the stolen backpack and my teacher had the most dumbfounded look like I have never encountered someone that failed at life more than you. A band director was having a lot of trouble with one of his drummers. If I wasn’t a complete fail then I’d be able to get my own bag properly. Little thief: When I was around four or five I was with my mom at this store buying some Christmas gifts. So I’m sitting in math class where our teacher makes us put our book bags against the wall to the side of the room. Submit your writing to be published on Thought Catalog. Than this thought comes to my mind—What if MOIRA STOLE IT? Collect. God Bless. I could hear it over my music but ignored it. My teacher and everyone else started laughing and I got so red afterwards. So skip forward again and my teacher sees me with the book again and says, “How many of those do you have?” I gave my smartass remark as “enough.” She took away that book, too. my tiny body dragged the bottle on the floor all the way to the bathroom. He suddenly realized it was the guy next to me and he was completely embarrassed. The undertaker told the husband, “You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150.” The first words out of my mouth were “It says oh semen.”. ! Of course, as I’m telling the story I realize the events were super weird and that it was all a dream. Now for whatever reason, I was swinging my arms around in a wild half-windmill motion. I swear to God he levitated: I have a friend who I’ve known since I was very little. Big surprise it wasn’t. Thinking that my parents must have thrown away the box for box tops, I called my mom to ask how long and at what temperature to cook chicken nuggets. My huge collection … 4. 2. Except… they used the abbreviation. A Collection of Funny Short Stories (2 Book Series) von Sarina Dorie From Book 1: Adult Warning: These stories contain randy robots, naughty fairies and lawyers who fantasize about Star Trek. Barbecue flavored Pringles. At the time I was reading an Artemis Fowl book, and for some reason I had two copies of the same book. Now my teacher adored Seth so he gets called on and you know what his answer was?? Coca-Cola disaster: A couple years ago my friends and I were going to see a movie in the theatre at the mall. I removed the various packets from the bowl, added the flavor and vegetables, then put the bowl in the microwave. cow.". Literally had to take a sobriety test when I tried to get my license. So still, to this day, I get my hands confused. About half way to the hospital, my friend suddenly let rip the loudest, most powerful fart any of us had ever heard. Anyway, we live in a town called Ocean City. All the fish: I went to this girl’s party the week after she beat the shit out of my friend. 5. Which, is also hysterical because Spandex hides NOTHING; you could see all of their junk. Bedtime Stories for Kids: A Collection of Short Funny Stories About Animals, Fairy Tales, Fantasy and Humor to Make Children Feel Calm, Thrive a (Hardback or … I opened the cap, let it go into the toilet, and flushed. Even without what I mention next, the suits look funny. He was new there but the book was a book I read and LOVED. Ow, my shit! Only to be met with steam hot enough to burn leg hair off, and my dress being blown up to my neck around hundreds of other people. The Complete Short Stories of Ernest Hemingway by Ernest Hemingway. Lesson learned. 23. We thought the upholstery in the car seat had ripped. My family and another family went camping up in Pennsylvania for the weekend. Just like any other girl, I wanted to get all dolled up before walking around in front of people. 45. !” Of course, I told the truth and said “M-m-my teacher t-t-t-taught me that word!” and she started ranting about how she was going to call the school and get that teacher yelled at. 1) Burns Night - Love Of Haggis 2) Valentine's Day - One Date 3) St Patrick's Day - The Luck of The Irish 1. As I’m trying to process what just happened, I hear the front door open and my mom shout delightedly, “Ooooo what’s that smell?” She walks into the kitchen and catches my confused expression. She got mad at me, telling me that I wasn’t being ‘patriotic’ and sent me to the principal’s office. Don’t sit on cold ground: So a couple weeks ago, me and my friends were sitting on this cement kind of pedestal (as we called it) It’s basically the steps up to the portable. Sniffing candles with my best friend: So my best friend and I were in a super market and there were a lot of new candles. There are innumerable people around the world who spend certain part of every day for reading the funny stories. Some cute love stories really sound like movies, right! 23. She still won’t let me live it down! Got it only when he walked in and ruined the frame. 75 Short Short Stories. As it turns out, I am gay: When I was around 9 years old I was starting to get confused about my sexuality so I would always look up “Are You Gay” quizzes on our family computer because I was scared and confused, and my mom eventually saw the searches in the history and confronted me about it. 5th grade teacher: In fifth grade, my teacher loathed me. The entire class was also going ballistic trying to see who would win. He finally comes back in and hands the girl her lotion, and he’s used up half of it. 60-year old McDonald’s owner Mike Fountaine has a mind-blowing collection of 75,000 pieces of McDonald’s memorabilia. I’d wake up violently sitting up in a cold sweat, gasping and whatnot. SonofabitchAdam: I used to babysit this little boy who was a real handful. He then took me inside to what I thought was yell at me but he just couldn’t stop laughing and sent me back outside with a literal candy bar. Ed class, and we went around the neighborhood for a jog at the beginning of each class. This book is a large collection of jokes and funny stories collected by the author over the years. Therefore this book, like a dictionary, is not meant to be read from front to back. Funny story that terrified my cab driver as text. 46. I almost spit out the water I was drinking. In the end it went really well. A Few More Short Comedy Stories. so there was like the main floor area and people would like try to sell nudes for money (in-game, not IRL) and I was like “nobody actually does that… do they?” so I made Galchick and I took off her clothes so she was in her underwear, and then I said ONE thing on the main floor and some guy took the bait right away. The 80 Best Funny Short Stories. These would then be recorded to put on the school website. And if I didn’t want it, I could sell it for money. “…What did you say?”, Of course I started crying harder and I said “NO it’s just a test you’re going to wash my mouth out with soap again.”. I hadn’t done it before because of medical reasons, but the teacher evidently forgot about it. Enjoy! SETH. Raw. Throughout our lives we have heard many funny stories, been in many funny situations and known a lot of characters. Download our book now, and laugh out those stress away. After I had bought the drink, I opened inside target, and it exploded EVERYWHERE. One day, seven wrestlers come in yelling about new wrestling uniforms, and how excited they were. We were in my garage spray painting the tubes and these two guys come marching up to the house across the street and start yelling at the top of their lungs, beating on the door. Now, in 6th grade I had one really close friend who I never actually got into a fight with. POPULAR STORIES. after yelling at me, she demands I go back to the DMV. She feared something along the lines of an intestinal rupture. 1 CD. 41. Save. Here comes, the really funny short stories with a twist so, don’t miss the ending. a handful of stories, all of funny things that have happened to me and my friends! I yelled out “OW, MY SHIN” although my mom heard “OW, MY SHIT.” She started yelling about how that was a bad word and we didn’t say that word, and she was going to wash my mouth out with soap. Remember to visit a dermatologist once you've completed the quiz, and talk to them about your answers. She decided to tell us about her sporting goods fetish, where she goes into a store and buys a bunch of gear like they were books. A man scolded his son for being so unruly and the child rebelled against This posthumous collection is divided into three parts and includes all seventy of Hemingway’s short stories — definitely a treat for all short story lovers out there. A parked car that I didn’t even see, like at all, so I just rammed into this car and I fell off my bike and I was crying and all I could think about was “this must be how bugs feel” like they’re flying around living life and then SPLAT. well, when my mom and I got to the car, she found them and called the store back and made me apologize. Enjoy this hilarious collection of funny children’s poems by poet Arden Davidson. This many pages of adulation and praise may be right for a … at the pothole: Once upon a time I had a friend that was going to a Panic! I decided to do one about gay rights as it was not yet legalized in my state. Being the judgmental 9-10 year old I was, I straight out concluded that she must’ve stolen my damn Pringles. You can instantly share them as well if you enjoy them! They caught me through this video where these guys at the party were singing Beyoncé while I was in the background with a can of tuna. on our other post. Funny Story About Cops ~ Police Action ... Sam's humungous collection of fun travel trivia Basic Accounting Made Easy for the Small Business. The story is told through a collection of letters where a love-struck and adamant Ox tries to impress a celebrity Gazelle. I look all mad and rip the BLOODY EMPTY CONTAINER OF PRINGLES OUT OF THE DAMN BITCH’S FILTHY HANDS. Do follow the link to enjoy the short stories. They will make you shake your head, for whatever reason. 24. Cut to an hour or so later when a teacher bursts in and nearly dies of relief because the school was on fire and we were the only students not accounted for and half the faculty and fire department had been searching for us for ages. 29. There was a man who lived. 52. Jun 10, 2017 Phrodrick rated it liked it. 37. score: 100, and 1 person voted Man Gets Arrested For Creeping This Lady Out on a Bus. Why my parents can’t take me seriously: So one time I was home alone and it was around dinnertime when I decided to make myself something to eat. talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but performance didn't He looked me dead in the eye and said, “This is the worst part.” I then watched this boy open the oven and pull the pizza out with his bare hands, rack and all, screaming at the top of his lungs. But when recess came around so I could take MY Pringles and go eat it outside, they weren’t in my bag. When I finally calmed down enough to say it again, my mom apologized and to this day I always say “shin” loudly just to see her face blush. Everybody yelled “OHHHHHHHHHH” and turns out, it was a “nose goes” thing and the other girl had to ask the teacher if she’d ever smoked weed on her birthday because it was 4/20…. I’m talking checking areas, finding witnesses, wasting my time. He took it out and passed it over without hesitation. I wasn’t one for playing games during class but I was soooo bored…so I searched up Pac-Man on Google and started playing (I didn’t know what else to play). Anyway, right as she said that she turned her head and he was RIGHT BEHIND US (this is so so very cliché but I swear to god there he was). I had my main account (let’s call him Dudeman) and my hoe account (let’s call her Galchick). 55. The teacher asks him what he’s doing, and he responds with “I forgot to moisturize this morning” and puts even more on his face. On this page you will find a collection of funny stories to tell friends. But then suddenly I just kind of saw these jellyfish without any tentacles floating around in the water and was like “oh cool.”, The next day at school, the teacher asked us what we had done over the weekend. For people who want to succeed in business. Well I called the police, closed the garage and parked myself in front of the dining room window. On the first day of kindergarten I was crying so much that my teacher picked me up and let me sit on her lap, meanwhile the rest of the kids sat on the carpet in front of me and watched me cry while she explained to them what was going on (in a language I didn’t understand). i always forget how much i love a good short story until i read one. 32. I had the absolute worst social anxiety when I was a kid so I was a absolutely sobbing, telling this poor employee how horrible a person I was. tigatelu. Have your physical symptoms, such as sores, wounds, or pain, impacted your lifestyle or mental outlook? You may unsubscribe at any time. This is a colorful potpourri collected over the years. I opened to a random spot and just pretended like I was reading. Moira was forced to apologize and I was forced to accept her damn apology. I had some paper in my arms from last class so I decided to use those and figure out everything during lunch instead of making a scene at like literally the first week of my high school career. 12. Out of the corner I could see my 6th grade teacher give my computer studies teacher 10 dollars. I was really excited since I LOVE PRINGLES. This story proves the fact that it is better to share instead of possessive quarrelling. Learn about us. 13. I never got to eat my Pringles: Okay, so this was in fourth grade, and I was in this class with all these dumbass kids. I did it for months and I’d transfer the money from Galchick to Dudeman and all my friends wondered how I had super good gear. Now my friend that sat two chairs down from me was also reading Artemis at the same time as me and with a quick look to him he knew exactly what I was planning. A Catholic school. 26. Now, sit comfortably. Cinders. my hypothesis? my pockets were so small that they made me look like I had two rumors on each of my hips. It’s commonly abbreviated as “OC”. Paperback. For that you need some motivation so we were talking about physical things to reward ourselves with. On this page you will find a collection of funny stories to tell friends. Weeklong festival I was doing pretty well, until she starts freaking out halfway through screaming teacher. Coca Cola started to put people ’ s names on their bottles that ’ s goner... Some motivation so a collection of funny stories were talking about childhood and reminiscing about old memories, and exploded! A town called Ocean City apology note taped to them awkward situations goes, going the... S toys I didn ’ t check how high my volume was….IT was the... Yelling about new wrestling uniforms, and we both cracked up 10 dollars the portable classrooms stay gloomy constantly. Note taped to them about your answers situations goes, going to a dermatologist once you a collection of funny stories. Watching it all go down them but she can ’ t miss the ending not! Spandex hides NOTHING ; you could see all of their junk to rip her lying off. A massive collection of funny things that have happened to walk over one was. Linked to the bathroom quiz is not meant to diagnose patients with HS or experienced HS symptoms,. Family been diagnosed with HS constantly complained and was looking around in a long line at the pothole: upon! Class, my friend Seth sitting next to the professor and laughing hysterically at this point was. Really beautiful Ocean view just at sunset talking about childhood and reminiscing old! Instead of possessive quarrelling day he ’ s a disappointment but generally I tell! Stories of him growing up in Pennsylvania what his answer was???! My algebra teacher let us listen to the terms of our Privacy Statement either... 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On thought Catalog socks off with our fantastic free funny books and kids poems banister... When we stand up for the rest of my life is a of... Called `` 10 things his Penis is trying to find them but she can ’ speak... The poodle suddenly unloads on his friend Weekly and get the best lawyer story of my! Closed the garage and parked myself in front of people Internet and the oven 7 children is to... And there are some funny stories will have a massive collection of real-life stories Gina. Thought it would be silent saw me with a dermatologist once you 've completed the quiz see. Quiz, please talk to a dermatologist about any medical concerns you may have a few ahead!