Sure it happened 25 years ago, but my parents ALWAYS hide the truth and lie about everything. I’ve accepted that I’ll never learn the truth or the full story. If it was the other way around and men would be able to do this type of abhorrent life changing lie, we would be crucified. People change over time, and the woman who made the decision to pass you off as her husband's daughter might not be the same woman you confront about it today. I don’t think my mom will tell him if I don’t. When you tell him, make sure to emphasize that he's still your dad and your best friend and always will be - he's the one who raised you, and nothing will change that. The it is good to deceive men about paternity club downvoted you. Your stories inspire us and inspire others! He may have been duped by your mother, but the love he feels for you is no different than what I feel for my kids. r/shortscarystories: A Place for Horror and Thrills in 500 Words or Less! He deserves to know. He is the biodad to my three older siblings, and my younger brother, but not me. Females can't get information on father's side. The daughter's choice to have a relationship with her bioloigical father has nothing to do with the right of the biological father to know his daughter exists. A few months in, my dad did the test, and didn't show up as related... time went by, and questions stated to rise in my mind as to why he wouldn't show up as ANy relative on 23andme. [–]SerpentValyrian[S] 6 points7 points8 points 2 years ago (1 child). I'm pissed at my grandmother for not telling my mom. Without a paternity test she couldn't be positive either way but she chose to believe what was easiest for everyone. [–]bigotis 14 points15 points16 points 2 years ago (3 children). I belong to a support group on facebook for people going through the exact same thing you are going through. I bought him the ancestry and health kit from 23andMe. The only person to blame is her mom, for keeping it a secret all these years. "Half-sister." This has to end and we can help by spreading the word to every guy you know. He is her legal father and at this point that likely can't be changed. 2.9k. He's her father. If you use an affiliate link in a post or comment on this subreddit, please be sure to clearly mark it as an affiliate link. Just be prepared for that. Same thing happened to me at the age of 28. I've been in contact with this new aunt of mine, turns out she had no idea that the man who raised her wasn't her biological father. As it stands, we're the evil ones for saying it's not right. The study began as a dream project of Joanna Mountain, senior director of research at 23andMe, even before the company had any customers. Apparently their parents were engaged before my mothers mom married her husband, and clearly there was some overlap. I think this subs makes way too many assumptions. My mom said if it's truly ruining me psychologically we can tell him but she's scared. [–]GonnaKostya 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (1 child). It’s killing me knowing he doesn’t know. I just wanted my health information, and instead I find myself being lied to for nearly 30 years, finding out my dad and best friend is not actually related to me biologically. That is something highly endorsed on here. My mom didn't say anything to me until I confronted her. She admits my dad doesn’t know. No one calls adoptive parents "step parents". I believe possibly genetic childhood depression? I believe I cannot explore biological relatives without my dad knowing the truth. PM me if you would like info on how to join. Mitochondrial DNA is a completely separate entity from any of the chromosomes. You hold no burden, your mother does and your step-father has a right to know. OP's father did not fill the role of a step-father, he filled the role of a father. Both my parents don’t know I met my bio father and half brothers. In some places, commercial tests are banned. This is going to be way worse for him. It is absolutely insane the amount of women who endorse criminal deceit and use bullshit excuses to do so. You might want to think twice before agreeing to take the test. Yeah, the stuff he's posted here could have been copied and pasted from there. It stinks to find out that your reality is more complicated than you thought but hopefully you can all work through this. [–]lipss106 6 points7 points8 points 2 years ago (3 children). Your dad will always be your dad and there's not a test in the universe that can change that (which you might want to actually tell him). Part of me thinks if she tells him now, he will kick us both out of his life. GENERAL NOTE: The members of this subreddit do not act as medical professionals. I did a test with 23andme and discovered an aunt who was the product of my paternal grandfather's affair while in the military. She hasn’t been exposed to any trauma and she says she has no idea why she feels that way. And my grandparents aren't alive, so I cant ask why they never told us, and the biological grandfather passed 4 years ago, so my mother and I and my sis never got a chance to meet him. So my dad was told and he called me and said "I always had suspicions but this doesn't change the fact that you're still my daughter and I still love you.". "Step parent" is almost exclusively used for someone who is filling a spot that would normally be held by a legal parent. [–]Poptech 6 points7 points8 points 2 years ago (0 children). Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement and Privacy Policy. I was told my mother used to sneak me away from my dad when I was a baby to see the "other man" which turned out to be my biological father - but stopped when my dad got suspicious of where she was going. [–]Poptech 6 points7 points8 points 2 years ago* (0 children). Please kindly suck a dick and stop commenting you mong. I don't know if you already have but you need to check out the 'DNA relatives' tool so you can find your biological father's side of the family. Polite Reminder - Stories MUST Be Less than 500 words and 3 Sentences or More. That's not how it works, dude. I know it’s oversimplifying the situation but it’s true. Please read this post for more detailed information/analysis on 23andMe's v3/v4 chips, as well as competitors FTDNA and AncestryDNA. I would want to know if I had a child. So similar with my situation - except my Dad and I don't have the best relationship. In some cases, the results are downright shocking and can uncover secrets that have been buried for years, if not decades. Is there any possibility that the person I know as dad IS my bio dad, or should I let that go? No Fake Results. He’s going to be home alone the next few days. BuzzFeed Junior Writer. *I do not believe 23andMe ruined my life, I believe my mother did. [–]SerpentValyrian[S] 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (1 child). [–]SerpentValyrian[S] 4 points5 points6 points 2 years ago (1 child). She gambled and lost but it doesn't seem like she did so maliciously and she had no way of predicting that one day we'd all be casually mailing our DNA in for analysis. He is still your dad. I was adopted, too. Beat me to it! No one in my family ever had seizures. The founder of the group I'm in did an interview on the "Today show" and "Megyn Kelly" and can be seen on youtube (I think, you may have to search). [–]petesapai 6 points7 points8 points 2 years ago (1 child). Blehhhhh... sorry to rant, I just know what it feels like to love someone so much but to feel like to keep them happy, you should just pretend you know nothing. Treat fellow Redditors with respect. I guess so, if destroying a family unit this late can possibly do more harm than good. She claimed my dad had no idea, but as her story kept unraveling I realized that he would have had some idea due to the circumstances. He accuses lots of people of "crimes" and always turns up in NPE posts like this to attack the mothers. I never had any reason to believe he wasn’t my father. [–]peppermintplant 5 points6 points7 points 2 years ago (1 child). [–]peppermintplant 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (1 child). Promethease is by far the best third-party data analysis tool, but there are many others out there to choose from. My dad raised me since I was born. Women only carry mitochondrial DNA ( two XX no Ys). The cheaper ancestry-only test returns the exact same raw data as the health+ancestry test - the only difference is that 23andMe's reports on health aren't included. Everytime I read these stories, they make me angry. I’ll probably never know. At the end of the day, this isn’t your fault! It may have started out based on one, but that history is yours and it's real. To the person finding this out donor vs. NPE is really the same damn thing. I can't even imagine what I'd do in this situation. My parents have always been the couple that others were jealous of, hell - even I always thought that no guy was ever right for me bc I never got along with anyone like how my parents get along. They were separated, which is a different kettle of fish. Beyond age 18 is well beyond that point. It's astounding to see how some women defend this. Unlike the horror stories you have heard, we will never tell you anything you don’t want to know. My mother is Swedish, Irish and German. In France, you could face a fine of around $4,000 USD for taking one. My dads pretty light skinned and some of his Mexican side has light eyes. I’m waiting for her story to unravel but I feel like she’ll never tell me the truth. Wow your mother really is a piece of work. Calm down. No targeted harassment of any kind. Spit in a little tube, mail it in, and wait for the results. The law doesn't require you to be the biological parent to assume the role of legal parent. Autosomal DNA is what most commercial companies (including 23&Me) use to determine relatives and ethnicity. [–]Poptech 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (4 children). At first I felt guilty, but through therapy I came to know that I have nothing to feel guilty about. The 23andMe Carrier Status* Reports are included in the Health + Ancestry Service. I was legally adopted at birth. Good luck and I wish you and your family well. [+]Poptech comment score below threshold-7 points-6 points-5 points 2 years ago (8 children). See a log of updates and changes to the raw data download. How well do we know our family trees? Just worth them thinking about this because once the decision is made, they can never take it back. This new found information is never easy for anyone. I’ve accepted that I’ll never learn the truth or the full story. I trust my wife. Both men and women get it, and it's accurate for a few generations back. Not sure how long I’m going to keep it that way. In. Last year, I … It's going to be tough to process and yeah it is shocking and hurts like hell at first, but it will get better. With 23andMe, you get your personal genome book, your story. You’re right. https://www.facebook.com/groups/NPEGateway/, [–]entropywins9 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (5 children). /s, [–]Doogle89 8 points9 points10 points 2 years ago (41 children). Unless you have an identical twin somewhere, that genetic makeup is unique to you. I instantly know that this doesn’t add up. If any changes have occurred since finding out, it's that my familial relationships have strengthened. Butts." I’ll have to try Promethease. You have decades of bonding and memories, he raised you. The real big thing will be with your mom and dad and how they choose to handle it! [–]SerpentValyrian[S] 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (2 children). It didn’t hit me until I heard her read the text out loud. The only point I was trying to make is that in the eyes of the law, the man who raised you is your father, not a step parent. I know people here are only trying to help. save. Your dad is still your dad. This rule does not prohibit user discussion, questions, comments, mentions, etc. [–]GraceStrangerThanYou 12 points13 points14 points 2 years ago (0 children). I am second guessing everything I know at this point. Edit: I'm making no judgements about whether or not the man should be told, just being pedantic about the language you are using because it's incorrect. I'm going to confirm that my 3 y/o daughter is actually my genetic daughter, just to be sure ;). by Farrah Penn. [–]houseofweenies 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (1 child), I’m glad nothings changed between you two btw. We're the children of the people who raised us, no matter what. Of course she does I am not surprised. You're not alone, and you don't have to feel like this burden is yours to carry. And her dad also has the right to know the truth. I am sorry to hear your mom caused you this much pain but you are not alone, women have been causing these devastating situations for years but no longer can get away with it. [–]Poptech -3 points-2 points-1 points 2 years ago (2 children), [–]Doogle89 6 points7 points8 points 2 years ago (15 children). But again, I’m not in their position so not my choice to make. Thank you. And the donor conceived one which I'm also a member of. [–]peppermintplant 11 points12 points13 points 2 years ago (0 children). I agree. use the following search parameters to narrow your results: Be Civil. There's one by Plato/Socrates I think, but I can't find it, about it being better to learn the truth and stand corrected, than to persist in error. Genetics are not everything to the courts and a person who has acted in the role of a father for a prolonged period of time can often not be removed from the birth certificate, even it's proven he's not the biological father. There are many other options out there for data analysis, both paid and free. The health reports you will receive (or have received) from 23andMe differ depending on what chip version you were tested on, when you were tested, and what country you were tested in. There are also a lot of support groups online. You can pick and choose the knowledge you want and you can utilize the knowledge however you like. You speak English. Of course you support lying to men and criminal deceitfulness. ... help Reddit App Reddit coins Reddit premium Reddit … My mom told me my dad wasn't my biological father when I was 7 or 8 years old. It is not her burden to keep what kind of sick advice is this? He only ever seems to get truly riled up when it's a mom who did the cheating. That’s it. Punishment is ultimately down to moderator discretion. He does this all the time. AncestryDNA and 23andMe have both updated their chips since that post was written, AncestryDNA's new v2 chip has massively improved coverage of health-related SNPs (better than 23andMe v4 for the most part, although they of course do not provide health reports), and 23andMe's new v5 chip covers an entirely different set of SNPs than any of the previous versions do. Weeks go by and I’m not excited, concerned, nor do I bother to check on the process. I also have some medical problems, like PCOS and terrible allergies. [–]SerpentValyrian[S] 3 points4 points5 points 2 years ago (0 children), [–]entropywins9 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago* (7 children). If there’s a gene for hubris, the 23andMe crew has certainly got it. [–]Poptech 6 points7 points8 points 2 years ago (4 children). Can't you just bury it for the sake of your dad? She told her but not me. Over 10 … thanks, yeah I sent her a link to the atlantic article and the NPE foundation, although my mother doesn't use Facebook, nor do I. [+]Poptech comment score below threshold-10 points-9 points-8 points 2 years ago (6 children). Gossard and Kyser each submitted two tests: One to Ancestry and one to 23andMe to analyze the similarities and differences in results. They decided not to get a test done when I was born because they were both going to be my only parents no matter how the test turned out. We only provide general information, which may be misleading for your individual circumstances. “ I’ve been searching for my father my whole life and through 23andme I just found a half-brother, finally answering the question. It's pedantic, I know, but at some point in the future it may become relevant, usually with estate law. [–]Poptech 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (0 children), [–]houseofweenies 1 point2 points3 points 2 years ago (3 children). But yeah it's a great group for this exact situation. [–]Poptech 3 points4 points5 points 2 years ago (2 children). The horror story started when a man has pleaded with internet users for advice after claiming a Christmas gift he bought for his girlfriend revealed a shocking family secret. Yes, it will hurt, but that doesn't mean it changes anything between the two of them. Need a male relative of father to achieve this goal. Nor 'splitting hairs' or strands of DNA. Hey guys, I am adopted from Moscow Russia and trying to figure out what my birth parents are. 23andMe's test is autosomal, plus sex chromosomes, plus mtDNA. But there's this 0.0001% fear in me that even if they look like me, us men, we can never be truly one hundred percent certain . So it is now racist to tell men the truth and not criminally deceive them? It's not his fault any more than it is OP's. [–]SerpentValyrian[S] 8 points9 points10 points 2 years ago (4 children). When two people share identical segments of DNA, this indicates that they share a recent common ancestor. Always seek the advice of your qualified health care provider regarding any medical questions. Mom still hasn’t given me a solid story as to what happened. An adoptive father is still a step-dad. [–]bigotis 0 points1 point2 points 2 years ago (1 child), [–]entropywins9 2 points3 points4 points 2 years ago (0 children). Neil Schwartzman, a 52-year-old 23andMe customer who lives in Corte Madera, Calif., took his DNA test in 2010 to learn more about his medical background and as … My sister begins receiving responses from my mother, while still on the phone with me, and reads them aloud without screening the content and says: “I didn’t want to cause anguish for nothing in case it went the other way”. Both Dads could be hurt by the truth. Apparently my Mom was black out drunk but did semi-remember the guy but her friend told her she didn't do anything and a month later, things were better in the marriage and they were pregnant and very excited. © 2021 reddit inc. All rights reserved. [–]Poptech -3 points-2 points-1 points 2 years ago (0 children), [–]peppermintplant 9 points10 points11 points 2 years ago (1 child). [–]Doogle89 7 points8 points9 points 2 years ago (2 children). If he has raised you like a father then there is no reason to not think of him as your father. [–]SerpentValyrian[S] 4 points5 points6 points 2 years ago (5 children). I think everyone should. Technically, if his name is on her birth certificate, he is her legal father (despite not being her biological father), not her stepdad. 23 Horror Stories From Nurses That'll Make You Squirm "So. The 23andMe Carrier Status Reports tell you about variants that may not affect your health, but could affect the health of your future family. I just feel like shit every time there is a moment between us (we dont have a lot in common whereas my bro and him do, could be b/c they are dudes, could be bc genetics but idk) My Dad raised me and I know he would probably just forgive my Mom, tell me I'm his no matter what and just have another really shitty life moment that he has to try to get over. Depending on the family, genetic roots can get pretty murky, and sometimes we need some help in figuring out where we come from, According to popular home DNA testing companies, almost every person who orders a test … As an adult having my first child soon, I can't think of anyone I'd like to emulate more than my dad. Take a few breaths, lean on your fiancé or a close friend for support until you are approved. No affiliate link spam is allowed. He also got to see what genes he carried for diseases and other health information. Technically her birth certificate is fraudulent. Ruining Lives when you mention that he sucks goal is well,.... Situations better and seems more generally ok with someone contacting biological relatives in that.... With estate law Y, are not outright banned, but that does n't believe in criminally men... Is prob going thru so all I can really say to you you... 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And directly support Reddit hearing your story and finding out, it technically is and he! As possible or ban, depending on the first time, and directly support....